Fall Restore Revival Night 3 - Rev Jon Hollifield

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Summary

Guest speaker Rev. Jon Hollifield preaches from Ephesians 4:1-3, emphasizing that sin is the root problem in all relationships, including marriage. He encourages listeners to respond to others' sins with humility, gentleness, and patience, mirroring how God deals with our own sins. Hollifield highlights the importance of maintaining unity and peace in relationships, urging individuals to examine their hearts and motivations in light of the gospel. Practical applications include recognizing sinful reactions and striving for a gospel-centered approach to conflict resolution.

Welcome and Church Information
Thank you for listening to Pleasant Grove Baptist Church Sermon Audio. For more information, please visit our website, pgbcronda.com, or visit on all social media platforms.
Thank you, fellas. Thank you for the music this week and tonight. And thank you, church, for the hospitality. And thank you for the, I echo what James said with the meal. That, whew, I am full. I am full. And it was a wonderful, wonderful meal, wonderful food. That chocolate thing.
Chocolate de clare. Wow. That was, I don't know who made that, but that was really, really, really good. And so thank you. I got to learn a little bit about the history of the church as well. And I always enjoy that.
We just, I was telling James, we just celebrated our homecoming. And our church is a young church. We just celebrated our 15th year. So we got a ways to go to get to 172.
But I pray that God is gracious to us, to sustain us.
And so it's very cool, I think, to what the church has done and how you guys have carried on the torch of just preserving those things. Because generations to come after that, as you know, you've been recipients of those who've been very careful to preserve that history. It matters.
It really does. It matters. And so, well, as you turn to your Bibles in Ephesians chapter 4,
I was told that I neglected to do something last night. And that was open up with something about James. So I'm going to tell you one.
We actually, we did grow up together. We were in the same church, in the same youth group. And we, I don't know how much he's talked about this, but we had a fun time. We really did, our youth group was very close.
There was a lot of different teens in our youth group growing up, but there was probably really just three families that made up. James had five.
My family had four brothers. And then there was another one that had three that were all in the youth group at pretty much the same time. And then there was other teens there. So we were, I wouldn't say large, but we just had a good group.
And we loved hanging out with each other. So a lot of times we'd spend after church Sunday evening.
We'd go, and there was something we were going to be doing. We were going to go to someone's house. And it got to the point where we would like to play board games. And we got into this habit, like every Sunday night we'd go play board games.
And we would do these board games.
Challenges in Teamwork
And what ended up happening is James and I got paired up. And at first, it was a disaster. So we were not on the same page.
He was never getting anything I was throwing out there to him. And I would get so frustrated.
And I would just grab him by the shoulders. And I would say, what is wrong with you? And he's like, I'm sorry. But it made everybody laugh. So that was mandatory that we had to be partners at every single time. And what ended up happening, though,
is eventually we started to click. And we started to get good. And just not too long ago, in the distant past, we were hanging out.
Our families were hanging out. And our wives were together. And there is something that is told to me that James and I were talking up just how good we were.
A little too much. It may have been sinful. I don't know.
It's a little hard for me to get there. I don't know. But we were maybe some trash talk. But we sat down to play the board game.
And we were like, oh, well, we may have to take it easy. And we'd get to one. And we'd pull up the card. And we'd say, all right, you should be able to get this. This is easy. They'd get it. And then we'd do ours. And we'd get it.
And then go around again. We'd miss one. And then they would get one. I'd say, OK, this one's hard. And they got all excited.
The wives got all excited. And Allie and my wife, Mary. And they're like, oh, we know this. We know this. And I'm like, how do you know this? And they got it. And I'm like, what is happening?
This is our game. And we're getting towards the end. And they're in the lead. And I'm like, how is it? OK. So we get down to the last one. And I'm like, all right, they're not going to get this. This is their weak category. They're not going to get it. And they win.
And we are in shock. We're in shock. And so we lost. The dynamic duo of John and James lost that board game.
And I'm going to let you ask Miss Allie, like, what happened in that? But that's something that maybe you could help me figure out on how we lost that game.
We may have to do a rematch one day. The wives are just good. Yes, yes, yes. But we've had a wonderful time and wonderful years together in doing ministry.
And I am very thankful for him. I said earlier this week that he is just an example of a biblical friend.
But he also, and you've probably figured this out in the last few years, but God has gifted him in areas of ministry. He is really someone that does a great job.
God has gifted him in the area of executing things and being able to see things to get them done as far as ministry things, as far as outreach, and being able to go with that. But there's some areas where I just am weak at in ministry.
And I'll call him up. I'm like, what are you doing? And he'll say that. I'm like, man, that is so good. That's so cool. I was like, tell me how to do that. And so you're very blessed with James and Allison. They're a great team. And they have a wonderful family.
And so we're thankful for them to be in our lives and for this week and for this opportunity to be with you.
One of the cool things that I was even telling him, and just hearing even the stories about the history of the church, is a church family atmosphere.
And I think you're blessed with that here at Pleasant Grove. You have a church family. And that's not, listen, that's not everywhere, is it?
It's not everywhere. And so that is something that you ought to be grateful to the Lord about and very thankful for and continue to cultivate. And so we're thankful for just this ministry here that God has been using.
We're going to be in Ephesians chapter 4. We're going to be in several passages this evening, but I'm going to come back around to Ephesians chapter 4. So we've gone through talking about the heartbed, the central aspect of where your life interacts, and that is in your soul.
And talked about how you need the shepherd to be governing your soul.
Restoration of the Soul
You need to be with the shepherd. And that is in Psalm 23. So restoring your soul. And then we sort of backed up just a little bit and saw the importance for your soul to then have an alignment in your relationship with God. And that begins with the proper worship.
And seeing that progression that we see in Isaiah 6, the holiness of God, the sinfulness of man, the grace of God applied, and then that comes through with a heart of gratitude and willingness to serve God.
And so that's what we looked at today, or last night. So what I want to do tonight is then bring it over. I've talked a little bit about this. I do, for the last five years, I have done, I went into counseling. I started studying about eight years ago to be a counselor,
biblical counselor. And I was interested in a whole range of different things,
different subjects, what struggles people went through, things that afflicted people in their lives, all of these types of things,
even the science behind it. And I was looking to prepare myself to help people with all types of life struggles. And as I got certification in the area and opened up and said, now I'm a counselor, there have been two areas where just has been the most I've done the most counseling in.
And one of those is marriage counseling. I've done a lot of marriage counseling in the last five years and done a lot of research. And then in the counseling organization that I am a part of, they then offer extra training to go a level up.
And those three areas that they do that in, where you can sort of take a more focused course is specialization in addictions counseling, specialization in reconciliation counseling.
So peacemaking, reconciliation to those that are the rifts in families or even in business partners and that type of thing or in the church. And then a specialization in marriage and family. And so I thought, well, marriage counseling is what I've been doing the most of.
It's sort of what comes my way the most. So I decided to even go a little bit more to sharpen my tools than that and ended up doing a lot of research in that. This is a very small pocket that I wanted to give to you.
But I'll say this, I don't want to just sort of alienate some in here this evening by saying this is only for married couples because it's not.
Because I really believe that the principles that we're going to see here really will help you with any life relationship. It'll help you with navigating life relationships with parents and children,
Ephesians 4 and Relationships
friends, and even those that you work with and in the church. In fact, the passage that we're going to look at tonight, Ephesians chapter 4, is not considered a marriage passage.
I'll explain a little bit more about that once we get to that point. But let's look at Ephesians chapter 4. I just want to read the first three verses here. Ephesians chapter 4, verse 1 through 3. I, therefore, a prisoner of the Lord,
or for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness,
with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace.
So, as we come to this, we're going to come back around. This is what I'm going to do. You have in your notes, I think,
the way I structured the outline here is sort of five main points. And what I'm going to do is we're going to Cadillac through the first three.
We're going to slow down a little bit at point 4, and I'm really getting to point 5.
And point 5 is where the meat of everything is going to come, the meat of the message, where we'll come back around Ephesians chapter 4. So, let's look at this first, and this is the main challenge that I'm going to say at the beginning.
I want it to be ruminating in your mind, and then as we're going to bring it back home at the end, and that is this. Here's the challenge.
Do you desire to learn to deal with your spouse's sin or with whoever that relationship that you may have struggles with, with their sin the way God deals with yours?
Do you desire to learn to deal with that person in your life's sin the way God deals with yours?
And if you remember what we talked about last night, we can see how God deals with ours.
Point number one here this evening is this. Sin is the real problem in all relationships. Sin is the real problem in all relationships.
When you look at Genesis 2, verses 18, and Genesis 2, 23 through 24, you have the institution or the creation of marriage. You have Adam is naming the animals. He looks around and he says, and he's naming the animals, giving them a pair, and he says, where's mine?
And there's a pair for everybody, but there's not for me. And then God makes this interesting claim. He said, it is not good for man to be alone. And you know the story. He causes man to have a deep sleep.
And then in verse 23 through 24, he creates Eve and brings them together and says that this
husband and wife shall come together. He shall leave his mother and father, cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. But what happens exactly after that?
As soon as Genesis 2 closes with that little thing, that little comment by Moses, you go right into chapter 3 and it says, now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field, was more beguiling than
any beast of the field. And what do we know happens there? It is considered in theological terms the fall of man and sin enters in. So as soon as the marriage is created, we then go right into sin enters in. You know, sometimes it's not just personality differences that happen within two people.
It is sin. And when we think about this, where do we think about in our own selves personally,
where does the root of sin lie? Well, as I was going through this training, I was sort of thinking like, if you would have asked me before, one answer would have come. I always thought it was one answer.
And then I heard the professor sort of teach this one aspect. And I was like, huh, I never thought about it like that. But I thought it was really good.
So I'm going to give you both of these. The first root of sin is this. Our quest for pleasure outside of God. The first root of sin is our quest for pleasure outside of God.
I'm going to chase a rabbit here for a second, just to help you give understanding to that.
I want to talk about history and church history just a little bit. But in the 1600s, whenever there was a lot of turmoil going on in the Church of England and them laying out laws that certain people that didn't go along with the Church of England couldn't meet, there was then
some politics that happened, and they gave freedom to a certain group of Christians there in Scotland.
And they came together, these Christians came together, and they were able to develop a doctrinal statement for what they believe, and it was called the Westminster Confession of Faith in the 1600s there. I think it was 1643 or 1645.
And when they did this, they decided to teach their children back then by a way called catechism, and that is a way by asking questions and then giving an answer. And they summed up this in the very first question they asked this. They said, what is the chief end of man?
That's an old way of saying this. What is your ultimate purpose in life?
And this was the answer they gave. What is the chief end of man? It is this, to glorify God. Well, yeah, we all get that.
But they added in something to it that I still think to this day we sometimes miss, and it is extremely profound and biblical. They say the chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. Do you ever think about that with your relationship with God? That you enjoy Him?
And so, therefore, the first root of our sin begins with our quest of pleasure outside of God.
Psalm 16, I preached that the last time I was here. I know you all remember exactly what I said. But that chapter actually ends in the very last verse. I think it's verse 11. It says, at your feet, he's talking about God, are pleasures forevermore.
Well, this is the answer that I would have come up if you said, what's the root of sin? So the first one is our quest for pleasure outside of God.
The second root of our sin is pride. It's pride.
And these are things that we see even in Satan's fall when you look at passages like Ezekiel 14 or Isaiah 28. So sin is the real problem in all relationship trouble.
Number two, you always sin against God when you sin against your spouse. Or we can say it this way, you always sin against God when you've sinned against someone else. You've always sinned against God when you've sinned against someone else.
Psalm 51. Are you familiar with Psalm 51? Psalm 51. Psalm 51. You remember the story of David? And I think this was at chapel.
Pastor James was preaching at chapel and he brought up this story about David going and he should have been at battle. And he goes up on the rooftop and he sees Bathsheba. And then he calls for Bathsheba to come to the palace.
And of course, they sin in a great way. And then he tries to cover it up and ends up murdering her husband, Uriah. And for eight months,
eight or nine months, maybe close to a year, he thinks he's gotten away with it. And you know what happens? God sends the prophet Nathan. And Nathan comes and he gives him this story about this shepherd with a little ewe lamb. And this wealthy man that wants this ewe lamb.
But this guy's got all this money. He's got a whole flock himself. But he wants this one guy's little lamb. And so what he does is he kills the shepherd and takes his lamb.
And he says, King David, what should be done about this man that did this? And David just lays out. He's so indignant. He's so angry. He lays out this punishment. And Nathan points his finger to his face and he says, you are the man.
And that breaks David. And in Psalm 51, the entire chapter of Psalm 51 is David's confession and repentance of his sin whenever Nathan came to him.
And Psalm 51 verse 4 says this about his sin. He says this, against you, talking to God, and you only have I sinned.
And so that's something that we must understand. When we've sinned or sinned against someone else or sinned against our spouse, we must realize our sin, first and foremost, has been against God.
Think about the story of Joseph. You know the story of Joseph? Joseph gets sold into slavery by his brothers. And he goes in and he's got such a great work ethic and has such character and wants to please God that he ends up getting elevated in the governor's house. His name's Potiphar.
And he gets all this and Potiphar's wife wants to, you know, have her way with him.
And she comes and assaults him. And Joseph, you remember what Joseph said to her? How can I do this thing and sin against God?
He recognized that any sin that he committed was first and foremost a sin against, remember what we said last night? A holy God.
We see these things, too, in passages like Hebrews 4.12 or Romans 3.23. So, first of all, sin is the real problem in all relationship trouble. Two, you always sin against God when you sin against your spouse or against others. And number three, just real quickly, three common areas of sin in marriage relationships.
What are some common areas of sin in relationships? Well, there's finances. We can sin in financial ways. Child rearing. Parenting.
Not doing things on the same page in that area. That can creep up. That can be a real easy temptation. Here's one. Dealing with in-laws.
That was actually, I tell couples when I have them right there, I say, this right here, when you look at all the different problems that can have an effect on a marriage, this right here was the number one in our marriage.
For many years, it was actually something that brought in a lot of issues for us. And there's some good resources out there.
And I told Mary, my wife one time, I said, you know what? God was gracious to us to bring us through some things and get us to a certain point in our marriage. I said, I wish I would have read something like this.
And it's a little booklet called Dealing with In-laws by a guy named Wayne Mack. I said, man, if I'd have had this five years ago. There's some great things out there to help with that and great biblical teaching on it.
There's sexual matters, communication, and marriage companionship. So these are all common areas of sin. So it doesn't take us really hard to figure out how easy it is for an open door for sin in relationships or even in a home.
All right? So let me run through these three again, and then we're going to slow down at point number four here. Sin is the real problem in all relationship trouble. You always sin against God when you sin against your spouse or others. Number three, common areas of sin in marriage relationships.
We looked at those. Now, number four. Sinful reactions to your spouse's sin are also sinful and defensive to God. What does that mean? Well, maybe you're not the one who did something wrong. Okay? Maybe you're not the one who did the hurting.
Because here's the thing. This is important because we live in a time right now of victim mentality.
It's in such a degree, and it's infecting its way over into the church, that if you have been victimized, there's this attitude that you can't do anything wrong. You're the one who's been wronged.
But a biblical point of view does not see it that way. You can respond wrongly to when you've been wronged. If you've been sinned against, that's terrible. It's awful.
But we must be on guard that we don't then return sin in response to being sinned against.
Okay? We could come up with different kinds of scenarios that can happen within a marriage relationship or with any relationship. How are you responding? James 4, the book of James, James 4 says this.
What causes, verse 1, what causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? That's an interesting question, right? Here's the question. What causes conflict? You ever had conflict with somebody? Maybe you're in a conflict now.
Now, what causes it? Oh, I know what causes it. That person did this. That person did this. Or they're just so self-centered they don't think about anything else.
Is that what the Bible says? All right? When he says what causes quarrels, what causes fights, this is basically what he's saying. What causes conflict?
Now, James here, and the guy who wrote the book of James is not Pastor James. It is Jesus' half-brother, James. Okay?
And I think he got this from his brother because if you remember, Jesus did this a lot. He answers a question with a question. Don't you love people that do that? It's like, oh, just give me the answer. All right?
So watch what James does. He asks the question. He sets it up. What causes conflict?
And then he says this. Is it not this? Your passions are at war within you?
Wait a second. James, you said what causes conflict. I told you what caused the conflict. It's this person behaving this way.
And James says, wait a second. No. Is it not this? Is it not that things are going on in your heart that you're not getting? You want this. You desire this. And you're not getting it. So therefore, it's causing a sinful reaction to come out.
Now, when we think about desires that become sinful, we typically think of sinful desires.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. You're probably thinking, John, we just ate a lot. You can't throw statements like that out at us. What are you talking about? Okay?
All right. So what I'm saying is this. That not all desires that become sinful are necessarily begin as sinful desires. So there are a category of things that we can absolutely say is sinful desires. Is it a sinful desire to want to murder somebody?
That's sinful. Yeah, that's pretty easy to figure out. All right. Is it a sinful desire? Let's say it this way with parents. Is it a sinful desire to desire your children to obey you? No. That's a good desire.
But if that desire becomes such a thing to where then when I don't get that, I then sin against them, that good desire has now become sinful.
Are you with me? Okay? Okay? So these things come up and the sinful reactions to your spouse's sin are also sinful. We call these, we categorize these, they become idols of our heart.
I'll tell you, I'll take it a little bit off of you and I'm going to put it on my shoulders and show you how this worked out in my life. Okay? Okay.
It's, well, let me say it this way. I was going to use the parenting one.
I'll go back to marriage and use the marriage one. All right? It sort of happens like this sometimes, especially during football season. I don't know about you, but I really enjoy football season. And out there in Tennessee, I'm a Panthers fan.
Pastor James, I don't understand. He pulls for the Miami Dolphins. What is that about? But I'm a Panthers fan. We don't get to watch the Panthers games all that much. All right?
And so I would go to work. I would work all day in Murfreesboro, which is about 45 minutes from home. And then I remember the Panthers game sometimes would come on Thursday night. And I'm coming home and I'm thinking, oh, yeah, Panthers football tonight.
I know what I'm going to do. I actually went and got prepared for this. So I went and got cheer wine from the store, which I don't get to get all the time.
So I got cheer wine loaded up. I'm going to get home. I'm going to get this. I'm getting all these things. Are these good things? Yeah, they're not. There's nothing sinful about wanting to watch the ball game. Okay?
There's nothing sinful about wanting to enjoy some leisure time. There's nothing sinful about that. But what's happening? This is what's happening in my mind. I desire this.
And the more that I think about it and want it, it's mulling over in my mind and it's turning over into a need.
And before long, I'm not just thinking I want this. I'm sort of thinking in my mind, it's turned over and said, I need this. And then when I do that, it's not that long before in my heart it jumps over to, it's going to happen.
I'm going home. This is the plan. I'm going to do this.
However, there is something brewing in the works at home that I know not of. And that is, my wife is thinking, what is Panthers football?
You know what? When John gets home, it's been a hard day with the kids. It's been just a hard day. I've got this phone call from my family. I can't wait for him to get home. We'll get the kids in the bed. And I just want to talk to him about this.
And she has not shared this with me, but she's looking forward to this. And she says this. And I'm sitting there thinking, Panthers football.
They have a chance of winning tonight. You know, this was several years ago. All right.
And I'm going to enjoy this and everything. And then I get home and I've turned this good desire over to a need. Now I'm demanding it. It's going to happen.
And whenever I do that or whenever we do that, we begin to set up what's known as expectations. I expect it to happen.
I expect that when I get home around 645, we're going to eat supper. There's an hour to just have some time with the kids and then get the kids off of the bed and turn the football game on. But what's the classic universal thing that comes with expectations? They don't get met.
All right. And so here's what happens. My wife has now set up expectations that once we get the kids to bed, we're going to sit down and have a nice talk. And I'm going to be so caring about her feelings. And I'm going to listen to her.
And I'm going to love her. And I'm going to be like, yes, baby. Yes, that's it. You know what? Just come here.
Let me hold you. And I'm sitting there thinking, she's probably going to read a book or scroll through her phone. I'm going to watch the football game. And we are setting up expectations. So I come home, supper, spend some time with the kids, 745, bedtime.
And for some reason, I expect my children to say, yes, father. We would love to go to bed right on time. Brush our teeth. Let's go do it.
And for some reason, they don't act that way. But I, in my mind, have expected that to happen. And so they start going here. And then what's happened? The progression starts to come out of my sinful heart.
The desire that was okay turned over to a need, then turned into a demand, set up expectations. And it starts with the children acting like children. And whenever they're not doing exactly what I say, when I say,
then I begin to yell. And sin comes out of my heart and begins to sin against them. Then I get them to bed finally. I'm angry because I'm 15 minutes behind schedule.
All the while, I got all this sin going on in my heart. And my wife's over there waiting on the couch. And I'm still not aware that this is going to happen. I go, I get my drink, I sit down, and I get, and she says,
oh, you know what I got a phone call about today? And, of course, I'm not reacting how she expected I would react. And I'm sitting there like, uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, that's crazy. Come on, first down! And then, and it's not long before I'm like, she stopped talking.
Why did she stop talking? And then I look over, and there's a facial expression that I have seen before.
And I'm thinking, this is not good anymore. And now we have conflict. And it all began where? In here. My desires had raised up to a level to where I was, get this, worshipping something. That should have never been worshipped.
Because while these things are good, what is a proper expectation in life? What is a proper expectation in life? That most things in life are going to get upset.
Things are going to get monkey wrenches thrown into the schedule, all of these things. And the question is, is are we going to respond like Christ in the middle of those? Are we going to be still stuck in the point where we are demanding what we wanted? That's why James says this.
What's the causes of quarrels and fights among you? Is it not this? Watch this. That your desires are at war. You wanted this.
It didn't happen. And this is where it comes down to. If you ask me, who do I love the most in this world? I would say what? My wife and then my children. But who did I just treat awful?
And so that is the reason why we get to the point where those we say we love the most, we punish.
And it's going on in our sinful hearts. So sinful reactions to your spouse or your other persons in your life's sin are also sinful and offensive to God. All right, so this brings us to point number five. And we'll come back to Ephesians here. Ephesians chapter four.
Gospel solutions to the sin problems of your home. Ephesians chapter four, verses one through three. We read those at the beginning. It's written not to instruct the one in sin, but rather to the one being sinned against.
Root Causes of Conflict
This passage gives us the root of conflict. It is a guide to dealing with those who have sinned against us. It mirrors how God deals with our sins against him. He commands us to deal with our spouse's sin with all humility,
all gentleness, all forbearance, for the purpose of being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace.
All right, so let me give you a little bit of background about this. We're going to jump through this, and we're going to talk about it in just a second here. All right?
Ephesians was a letter written by the Apostle Paul to the churches or the church there in Ephesus. I believe probably Pastor James has talked a little bit about that church because in Acts, that's where Paul's at. Right? Acts 20, you're actually just right in the middle of that. Okay?
So now you have Paul writing a letter to this group of people. It's a letter that in our English Bibles are split up into six chapters. All right?
This is beautiful the way that Paul wrote because the way it is is it's split up in two sections. The first three chapters and the second three chapters. And this is normally how Paul writes in his letters. The first three chapters are doctrine, theology.
All right? So he's breaking out doctrine. He's teaching. It's very theological.
And then the second three chapters, he then takes what he taught there and he says, Now, how does this work in real life? All right?
So what is he talking about in Ephesians? In Ephesians, he's talking about this. He's giving you the theology and doctrine of the gospel and how it works in the doctrine of the church. This is where we get passages like Ephesians 2.1.
And you who are dead and your trespasses and sins. Ephesians 2.8.9.
For by grace you are saved through faith and not of yourselves. It is the gift of God lest any men should boast. And then you go into verse 10. For we are with workmanship created in Christ Jesus unto good works.
All right? So he's giving the gospel. And then he goes into you got Jews and you have Gentiles. Gentiles. And they're coming together and they're not getting along.
And he says this gospel that has saved you has broken down the wall that is dividing you and there should be unity within the church. So he's teaching this doctrine all the way to chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3.
And then he gets to chapter 4 and he says this. Look again at verse number 1. He says, What is he talking about there? You understand it.
He's saying this is the way you live. You walk. This is how you live. In a manner worthy of the calling which with which you have been called. What does that mean? He's basically saying this. So you've believed on the gospel of Jesus Christ. You're saved.
I'm telling you to live like it. Live like you've received the gospel.
All right? So if it's in your relationship with your children or your parents or your co-workers or in other people within the church or in your spouse relationships, this is what Paul's message is to you. If you believe the gospel, then live like it. Okay?
What does he say next? He breaks this down. He says, With all humility, gentleness, patience, bearing with one another in love,
eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace. So let's walk through these just a second.
Humility vs. Pride
Humility. What is this? It is the opposite of pride.
Remember what I said? What was one of the root causes of sin? It was pride. Now watch this. How do we combat humility? We're going to get to Philippians 2 in just a second. But remember what we talked about last night. All right? Holy, holy, holy is the Lord.
The more you see God, it drives humility. What was Isaiah's reaction when he saw God? He was humble. I am undone. Woe is me. I am a man of sinful lips.
And so he needed his sin to be atoned for. So humility. The next one is gentleness. What is gentleness? It is strength under control. Strength under control. The opposite of harsh and demanding.
Let me talk to all the men in here for a second. This is something that's just interesting to me. It's an observation that I've had.
As I've gone through and just sort of I think this way. So as I've listened, this is interesting.
Whenever you hear someone, you watch a television show or you watch a reality show or you watch a dating show or you talk to young people and you say, or young ladies, and you hear what they are looking for in a guy.
As a pastor, I have some young singles in our church, young single ladies, I've got young single men. And you say, what are you looking for? You know that there's, women are, they have different things that they're interested in, even whether it's saved or even unsaved. But you know what's interesting?
I've noticed, this is an observation I've made. I have noticed there is one characteristic universal to every woman I've heard say this. They may say, I like a guy like this. I like a guy like this.
But they all throw this one in there, regardless of who they are, regardless if they're saved or unsaved. And you know what that is? Kindness. Kindness. Kindness.
They may like a guy this way, they may like a guy this way, they might like a guy. But they all say, I'd like him to be kind. Why is that?
Well, I'll let you ponder that question for a second. But I think it would help us all if we understand the importance of strength under control.
The Bible characterizes it as gentleness or kindness, the opposite of harsh and demanding. Then the next one is patience. Expectant waiting. This is the opposite of impatience or rushed.
And then this one that is said in the ESV, it says, bearing with one another in love. I like this word. I think it's more used in the King James or New King James, but I like this word.
It is forbear. We don't use that word often in our language anymore. Forbear or forbearance. Oh, for our marriages, for our relationships to have forbearance. What is this? It's overlooking. It is the use of love within the relationship to overlook little things. Private forgiveness. It is the opposite of bitterness. Forbearance.
And then this. He says, Diligence to preserve the unity. Diligence to preserve the unity. This is this. Making every effort. It is the opposite of laziness. Half-hearted.
It is someone that recognizes that there is something they could do, and they take the energy and initiative to do it. You know, because maybe you're not like this at all, but this is sort of one of my things that I struggled with in my years, early years of marriage. Sometimes, even now.
Sometimes, even now. But it's sort of like, you know, no, I always say, I'm sorry first.
This time I'm just going to stay silent and keep quiet until she does. And it took me a little bit of time and several years to realize that was sinful as well. No, I needed to make every effort to preserve the unity. And that goes even within our church relationships.
Let's bring this a little bit to a close. Gospel-motivated change. The five gracious, unity-promoting responses towards sin in your spouse or others are only possible to the degree that you have seen and tasted them yourself in Christ. This call to Christian humility when sinned against truly requires a supernatural, gospel-motivated humility.
And where we find this and anchor this, and I'm telling you that if you are in the habit or if you're not in the habit of memorizing Scripture,
these two verses, I think that you should make sure that you put them on a card or you put them on your phone screen and you look over them and you memorize them.
Philippians 2, 3, and 4. Therefore, well, verse 1 says, therefore, if there is any encouragement in Christ, he says this in verse 3. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as important, as more important than yourselves.
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus. We call this putting on the mind of Christ. It is this aspect of humility. And get this, it's only found in Christ.
It's only found in Christ. I'll throw this term sometimes around in a marriage counseling session. I'll say this, you know, I want to take you through here. I want you to get these things. I want you to do these assignments. Read this. So you can have a gospel-centered marriage.
So you can have a gospel-centered home.
Gospel-Centered Relationships
And I say that enough times to start piquing their interest because eventually they say this. Okay, can you explain what you mean by what a gospel-centered marriage or a gospel-centered home is? And I say, I'm glad you asked. And then I'll do this little exercise with them. I say this.
And maybe we can do this here this evening. I said, think about the cross of Christ.
Now, give me one word that comes to your mind when you think of the cross of Christ. Somebody out here, just give me one word that you think of when it comes to the cross. Salvation. Sacrifice. All right, sacrifice. What else? Jesus. What else? Forgiveness. What's another one? What was that? Resurrection. Okay.
Humility. He humbled himself to the death of a cross. Grace. Mercy. Love. And then I say, okay, how about this? What if you just started instituting one of those into your marriage conflict?
What if you thought about Christ on the cross, what he's done for you in forgiveness and sought to forgive your spouse?
What if you looked at the love that he expressed for you on the cross and you started expressing that kind of love towards your spouse?
What if you recognized and dove in to really understand what the mercy of God was poured out for you on the cross, and you said, can I exhibit just one ounce of that mercy towards my spouse?
What if you did that? So we come down to this. Are you interested in learning to deal with your spouse or others' sin like God deals with yours? like God deals with yours, do you believe God has been extremely humble, gentle, patient, and forbearing toward you? How many times?
That can come up in our minds, right? It's like, okay, how often do I need to do this towards them?
You don't understand. That can be very annoying. How many times did Christ exhibit this towards you? For how long?
I go back to the main challenge. I'm going to ask that question again. Are you desiring to deal with others' sin the way God deals with yours? Here's the last thought here.
What does it mean if the thought of God's gentle and patient dealings with you does not motivate you to deal with your spouse or others in all humility? Maybe that's an examination of our heart that we need to do.
Can I go back and give you a couple of questions just to practically ask yourself on searching out whether there's an idol or situation going on in your heart?
Like, how do you know if I've elevated something as an idol, if I've taken one of those good things and elevated it as an idol?
There's three sort of questions that I like to ask that we call diagnostic questions to sort of get at. And I can't, nobody can really answer these for you. Only you can examine your heart in this way and ask the Holy Spirit to bring recognition to you. Number one is,
will I sin in order to get this thing in my life? Maybe it's acceptance. Am I willing to sin in order to receive acceptance?
Am I willing to sin to get this thing? Am I willing to sin to make sure my kids obey me? Am I willing to sin to do it? Another question to ask is this, am I willing to sin if I don't get it?
Maybe you've elevated a person as an idol in your heart.
Would you come to the willingness to sin if that person denied you or you were denied that person?
And here's another one. Here's the last one, third one. Do I go to this thing as a refuge?
What is a refuge? Psalms uses it all the time. A refuge is that which we run to for safety, for security, or for comfort.
So do you run to this thing? Because what does the Bible tell us is our refuge?
Who should we be going to as a refuge? It is our God. It is Christ. It is Him, our King.
That's who our refuge should be. So what is it that you are going to as a refuge? Those are just three diagnostic questions to search your heart and examine your heart with. The other thing I would say this, and I'm 10 minutes in. Can you handle one last story before we're finished?
All right. And that is the usefulness of the Word of God. Take these passages.
Take these passages and just these two verses and go over them every day. Because this is how God works in the process of change by changing our mind and bringing these things to remember. So I'm going to give you this story of how this worked in my sinfulness. Okay? Similar situation.
I'm at home. It's night. This is just sort of how I got into the habit of operating. After we get the kids to the bed at 8 o'clock, I've normally done a lot of studying, sometimes interacting with people.
And when it comes to 8 o'clock and the kids go to bed, you know what I do? I start to shut down. Okay?
And sometimes you get so familiar with that person in your life that the patience and caring and love just sort of starts to wane. You just think, I can just, you know.
And you come across in sinful ways to them. This is what happened with me. I had been working in marriage counseling with somebody on this Philippians 2 passage. Have this mind. Or do nothing out of selfishness or conceit, but think of the other more significant than yourself.
And I was just going over it a lot. I was reading it. I had a little card. I was going over it and going over it. So my wife had had a hard day. And she was telling me about just a conversation that she had had with her mom.
And, again, what did I tell you was one of our biggest issues? In-laws, okay? And over the years, there have been sort of like things that I, you know, I'm a preacher. I'm a counselor. It's easy for me to just say, well, this is their problem. You know?
And so she's telling me about some of the things that she was struggling with. Let's see. My wife's mom has lost two of her children.
She lost two sons two years apart from each other about 20, 25 years ago. My wife was about 12, maybe 14 when both of them passed.
And there are some relation problems with other children, some of my wife's siblings, that we just see that she doesn't, you know, that kind of stuff. And so she's just sitting there telling me about an interaction she had about how things were going. And I just was not listening.
I went straight into, this is the problem. This only happens because she does this, she does this, she does this. And it was very cold, very collected. And my wife starts giving me a little bit of pushback. Doing what? She defended her mom. And so that's sort of just like,
hey, hey, hey, but I'm right. You know, and I get in this position. I'm right. I know I'm right. And here's the thing.
She comes up and she says, yeah, but could you have a little bit of compassion? You've never experienced what it's like to lose a child.
And that just sort of started in my heart too. I know you guys, I'm sinful. I'm telling you. I start going. And I'm just quiet. And it's quiet for like a minute. And then, because I knew she was right. She was right.
And she's like, I'm just trying to talk to you here. I'm just trying to express to you the way she was feeling today. And it was just hard to see her that way today. I was like, okay. And I just wanted to justify myself. I was right. I wanted to just defend myself.
And then, because I had been going over that passage over and over and over,
it just sort of popped in my mind. The Holy Spirit brought it to remembrance. Do nothing from selfishness, but consider others more significant than yourselves. And it just kept going over my mind. Consider others more significant than yourself. Consider others more significant than yourself. And I asked this question. Okay, I've sinned.
How do I need to consider her more significant than myself? And I sat there for literally three to four minutes. To the point, like she was, my wife was in tears. She had started weeping. She got up. It's quiet. I'm sitting there like battling. Like internally, I'm having this massive argument with myself.
At the same time, the scripture is like in my head. And going, like I'm going through all of this inner turmoil. And she just gets up. She goes to the kitchen. She's like, you know. And she just asks. She's like, would you like anything while I'm up?
No, hold on. I'm almost there. Almost there. And she's like, okay. She comes back and she sits down on the couch. And then it hit me. She didn't need me to preach at her. What she needed right then was me to love her.
And so I just, one more time, it went over in my heart. Consider others more significant than yourself.
And I got up. I walked over there to her. I put my arm around her. And I said, I am so sorry. You're right. I was not there listening to your mom's heart and the concerns of her heart.
And what I should have done is just cared for you right now. Because I know that this brings up a lot of memories about you losing your brothers. She said, that's all I wanted. I said, I'm sorry. Now, I'm not saying that to say, look at what I did.
I did right. Because I did wrong. But what I was trying to illustrate is as you do that, that's how God starts to change your heart. And he does it with the Word of God. You go over these truths. You go over these truths. And the first step is you begin to catch yourself after you've done it.
And then you know to go back and make things right. Continue to go over those truths of Scripture. Continue to go over those verses.
And then what happens is you'll find that that Scriptural truth starts to catch you in the middle of it. And then as you continue to go over those Scriptural truths, you know what's going to happen? You don't fall into those pits anymore. And you know what we call that? Change. Sanctification.
Becoming more like Christ in that area. Well, that's what I have for you this evening.
Closing Prayer and Reflection
And I hope these last three evenings have been a benefit to your soul and to your relationship with the Lord. Let's pray.
Father, thank you so much for your Word. Thank you for the goodness and greatness and the holiness of our God. Thank you for your Word as it instructs us.
And thank you for your grace and mercy that you bestow on us. And I pray, Father, that you will help us as we grow in your Word and grow in our faith, that we will continue to seek you to learn your Word,
to have it change our hearts that we can be more like you and therefore shine the gospel in our relationships in our everyday life. We love you and we give you praise. In Jesus' name, amen.
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